Peter…Disciple of Disappointment
I couldn’t believe
that I could treat my Jesus like that …what happened…what went so miserably
wrong that I would deny and forsake him; turn my back and run away….I should
suffer the same fate as Judas Iscariot, but I’m
too much of a coward to die at my own hand.
It had only been a
week ago that Jesus sent John and me into the village to find the young donkey.
It was tethered there, just as Jesus said, and when we told the owner that
Jesus had need of it, he gladly gave it to us. We placed our cloaks upon it and
Jesus rode upon the back of the young foal as the crowd cheered wildly and lay
their coats and palm branches across the road saying, “Blessed is the King who
comes in the name of the Lord.” And now, less than a week later, they cried
out, “Away with Him! Crucify Him!”
And then, there was
the Passover meal that we shared in that upper room…as we sat down to eat,
Christ arose and girded himself with a cloth and began to wash our feet. When
he came to me, I arrogantly announced that he would never wash my feet. Then,
he lovingly told me that if he didn’t wash me I would have no part with him…so
I proudly proclaimed that he should wash all of me. He told us later, after the
meal that he was going away and that, for now, we could not follow. But once
again, I proclaimed my love and desire to follow him …even unto death; once
again, he looked lovingly into my eyes and told me that on that very night I
would deny him three times.
I failed him again …in
the garden. There in the darkness, Judas Iscariot showed up with the Palace
guard and a company of Roman soldiers. They said they were searching for Jesus
the Nazarene and when they took hold of him, I drew my sword to smite them…I
was not one to run from a fight; and again, Jesus gently rebuked me and told me
that he must drink the cup that His Father had given him and there should be no
more of this…then, his touched healed the servant’s severed ear.
Oh, but my greatest
failure was the one that Jesus had predicted before we left that upper
room….that I would deny Him. After they seized him and led him away, I followed
in the shadows…not close enough to be noticed, but I could not forsake Him
after all he had done for me. We arrived in the courtyard of the high priest’s
house and they built a fire. As I sought to warm myself, a young servant woman
looked closely at me and declared that I was one of his followers …but I denied
that I knew him. The rooster began to crow to announce the coming of day. A few
moments later, someone else saw me and said. “He’s one of them too!” I
vehemently denied that I was one of his followers and thought that would be the
end of it. As I walked round and round the fire, peering into the house,
straining to hear what was happening to Jesus, another man, a relative of the
servant whose ear I had cut off, exclaimed, “You were with that man. I’m sure I
saw you in the garden with him this very night. You are certainly one of them,
since you are also a Galilean.” But I started to curse and to swear with an
oath that I never knew the man that they were talking about….and then, it
happened….the rooster crowed the second time….and it all came crashing in on
me. I ran and I ran into the fleeting darkness as dawn began to make its
arrival known…tears streamed down my face as my breathing became labored and
strained. I sobbed uncontrollably ….how could this have happened to me…for I am
Peter, the one that the Messiah said he would built his church upon that even
the gates of hell would not prevail against it. Yet, I had betrayed my Jesus by
denying that I ever knew him …that He ever had a position of love and authority
in my life.
I wanted to die, but
instead I ran away and hid in fear and expectation that they would soon come
after me. Within hours, Christ had stood before Pilate, been sentenced to death
and had been crucified upon the cross….and while all this took place, I was in
hiding with the other disciples. Our world had ended and I was the most
miserable one of all…I had denied the one that loved me and called me out to
make me one of his chosen…and I had failed him when He needed me most. And now,
it was over and I would forever carry that guilt and shame with me …I could
never ask my Christ to forgive me for He was gone.
Are you a disappointing Peter…too many times called out to
stand for the Christ you love and too many times failing miserably in sharing
His message of love and forgiveness?
We have all failed to stand up for our Savior…to be counted
as one who knows, believes and lives the life that says He is the Son of God
and the one who paid our sin debt with His death upon that cruel cross…WE HAVE
FAILED, BUT WE ARE NOT A FAILURE!
Just as Peter denied His Savior, but once again became the
"ROCK" upon which Christ would build His Church; we, too, can become
all that God intended for us to be by the surrender of our will to His….let our
prayer today be the same as our Savior's prayer on that fateful night in the
garden….NOT MY WILL, BUT THINE BE DONE!
Living in the glory of My Lord....seeking to be like Him,
WPQ
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