Peter…Disciple of Disappointment

I couldn’t believe that I could treat my Jesus like that …what happened…what went so miserably wrong that I would deny and forsake him; turn my back and run away….I should suffer the same fate as Judas Iscariot, but I’m  too much of a coward to die at my own hand.

It had only been a week ago that Jesus sent John and me into the village to find the young donkey. It was tethered there, just as Jesus said, and when we told the owner that Jesus had need of it, he gladly gave it to us. We placed our cloaks upon it and Jesus rode upon the back of the young foal as the crowd cheered wildly and lay their coats and palm branches across the road saying, “Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord.” And now, less than a week later, they cried out, “Away with Him! Crucify Him!”

And then, there was the Passover meal that we shared in that upper room…as we sat down to eat, Christ arose and girded himself with a cloth and began to wash our feet. When he came to me, I arrogantly announced that he would never wash my feet. Then, he lovingly told me that if he didn’t wash me I would have no part with him…so I proudly proclaimed that he should wash all of me. He told us later, after the meal that he was going away and that, for now, we could not follow. But once again, I proclaimed my love and desire to follow him …even unto death; once again, he looked lovingly into my eyes and told me that on that very night I would deny him three times.

I failed him again …in the garden. There in the darkness, Judas Iscariot showed up with the Palace guard and a company of Roman soldiers. They said they were searching for Jesus the Nazarene and when they took hold of him, I drew my sword to smite them…I was not one to run from a fight; and again, Jesus gently rebuked me and told me that he must drink the cup that His Father had given him and there should be no more of this…then, his touched healed the servant’s severed ear.

Oh, but my greatest failure was the one that Jesus had predicted before we left that upper room….that I would deny Him. After they seized him and led him away, I followed in the shadows…not close enough to be noticed, but I could not forsake Him after all he had done for me. We arrived in the courtyard of the high priest’s house and they built a fire. As I sought to warm myself, a young servant woman looked closely at me and declared that I was one of his followers …but I denied that I knew him. The rooster began to crow to announce the coming of day. A few moments later, someone else saw me and said. “He’s one of them too!” I vehemently denied that I was one of his followers and thought that would be the end of it. As I walked round and round the fire, peering into the house, straining to hear what was happening to Jesus, another man, a relative of the servant whose ear I had cut off, exclaimed, “You were with that man. I’m sure I saw you in the garden with him this very night. You are certainly one of them, since you are also a Galilean.” But I started to curse and to swear with an oath that I never knew the man that they were talking about….and then, it happened….the rooster crowed the second time….and it all came crashing in on me. I ran and I ran into the fleeting darkness as dawn began to make its arrival known…tears streamed down my face as my breathing became labored and strained. I sobbed uncontrollably ….how could this have happened to me…for I am Peter, the one that the Messiah said he would built his church upon that even the gates of hell would not prevail against it. Yet, I had betrayed my Jesus by denying that I ever knew him …that He ever had a position of love and authority in my life.

I wanted to die, but instead I ran away and hid in fear and expectation that they would soon come after me. Within hours, Christ had stood before Pilate, been sentenced to death and had been crucified upon the cross….and while all this took place, I was in hiding with the other disciples. Our world had ended and I was the most miserable one of all…I had denied the one that loved me and called me out to make me one of his chosen…and I had failed him when He needed me most. And now, it was over and I would forever carry that guilt and shame with me …I could never ask my Christ to forgive me for He was gone.

Are you a disappointing Peter…too many times called out to stand for the Christ you love and too many times failing miserably in sharing His message of love and forgiveness?   

We have all failed to stand up for our Savior…to be counted as one who knows, believes and lives the life that says He is the Son of God and the one who paid our sin debt with His death upon that cruel cross…WE HAVE FAILED, BUT WE ARE NOT A FAILURE!

Just as Peter denied His Savior, but once again became the "ROCK" upon which Christ would build His Church; we, too, can become all that God intended for us to be by the surrender of our will to His….let our prayer today be the same as our Savior's prayer on that fateful night in the garden….NOT MY WILL, BUT THINE BE DONE!